I have been asked so many times to write a blog about herbs. I always shied sway from it, feeling nervous to be so open in the world, vulnerable almost. Being somewhat of a dinosaur, posting anything on the interwebs always made me feel like I was standing above an abyss- blind but being seen by all.
And yet here I am, about to send a book to be published. A book that will expose me ultimately and completely. Show the world the inner-most secrets about my beliefs, my disabilities, my fears and my deep joy. This book will, at times, show me in an unfavorable light, as I delve into the ride and confusion that is known as PTSD. It confesses tales of my wild youth and the hardship it gave my Arab immigrant parents.
These revelations are softened by the words of others, the stories of the community which held me as I traversed coma lands and acute pain, opioid withdrawals and deep depression. The community who loves me and is about to know me more intimately than they may be bargaining for.
The reason I am being so honest, so revealing, is that I want to reach out to Others like me. The Scarred and Different. The Survivors. The Amputees and the Alter-abled.
When I first got out of the hospital, not only did I feel terrified of the new body I had, I was completely at a loss on how to live in this new body. I felt lonely and ashamed. I felt like the only amputee in the world.
My hope is that my words will offer light to even one person in the dark, let them know that they are not alone.
I was so afraid to write my words in a blog, to have my thoughts available to any who desired to see. Somehow, this experience- while harrowing and exhausting- gave me many gifts. Courage is among them. And I find myself throwing off my cloak and revealing all in me to the wide world.