I have been working on writing a book for the last three years. This isn't to say that I was sitting at my computer for three to four hours a day. The writing came in waves, mostly with joy, sometimes with tears, but never forced..
I also gathered many submissions from loved ones and went to work shredding them, if you will, into threads of yarn, in order to weave them into my own writings to make a quilted story.
My story. A community story. A grand story told from multiple voices, many perspectives.
This is not new information. I think most people I am in contact with have heard, more than once, about the way I have created this book.
What I haven't spoken about is the actual birthing process of this book.
Only the neighbors who stop into my home have seen me pulling my hair out, ready to be done and trying to hand off the book.. ready to offer my words up into print, begging someone to majically put the finishing touches on it. My family was begging as well, as I was putting all my energy and attention into the final touches.
Editing, photograph bundles, editing, cover art, editing editing editing.. THANK YOU, ROHINI WALKER AND PAUL CULLEN!
I finally sent the book off to the publishing house today. I was on the cusp of doing this for so many days in a row, that when I finally pressed 'go' I wasn't holding my breath anymore.. I jabbed at the 'enter' button and only let out a long scream afterward.. a touch of anticlimax, as Robbi Robb, who had been sitting with me, holding my hand for weeks, happened to be at home when it all came to fruition this morning.
But somehow, during this phase- while it was exciting, and while I was supported by Robbi, my favorite mystical boy, and by Yazzy and Myshkin, my heroes, and Selah, who took care of all the things I was letting drop in order to dig so deep- I found myself traveling a deeper world, wandering in a different reality than the one I am used to.. than the one that I found everyone around me. I would be sitting with dear friends and watching them from a million miles away, my smile there and even some joy, but it was distant. It was even somewhat forced. I felt that I was living in a cave and visiting another world.. one where I didn't feel comfortable.
Most people didn't notice. And I was scared that I would never come back to the Jenny that I was. But just within the one evening that I have had since sending the book away to be held by someone else, I have seen bits of light, started to recognize the aspect of myself that I usually embody; the woman that loves to be around others. There was a slow rising out of the depths that I have immersed myself in for these past months.
Tears have only threatened themselves as it hasn't yet fully hit me that the monumental process of writing this book has come to a close.
Yes, I know there is much work to do.. Robbi says he will keep me as busy as he can, as now the promotion process begins.
But tonight, I take a deep breath, let it out with joy, and celebrate.. with an early bedtime..
hours and hours of this adventure..